Should you lye about the things you did in your past of which you
are ashamed and do not what them to know about. For example if you used drugs,
smoked, sexual experiences, and the like.
Some people recommend not lying and telling them the truth. I do
not recommend that. Those things are in the past and they are not the person that
you are today. I think the parent needs to set a high ideal example and letting them
know you did certain things makes it seem OK for them to do. Why not.... YOU did it.
If they later find out about them, then tell them you lied to set a better goal for
them. That you would not want them to make the same mistake. And besides it is
none of their business what you did. Your children do not tell you all the bad
things that they have done in their lives so far.... like cheating in school, etc.
An alternative plan is to not tell them anything. That if they ask
you if you used drugs, etc. then you reply it is none of their business and your private
information. The only problem is that it increases their desire to find out and they could
start asking relatives about it. And it seems as though you are hiding something.
Plus if your teens ask if you two parents engage in certain sexual
practices, the answer is "private and none of your business."
You decide what you want to say to your children ahead of time and both
parents agree what the approach you will use ahead of time.
Dr. Knapp
